She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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