we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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