I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize