Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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