Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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