No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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