So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize