She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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