I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
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I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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