That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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