Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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