I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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