Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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