You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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