Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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