I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize