I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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