woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize