Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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