Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize