Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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