I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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