Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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