This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That's when you crack a 10am beer
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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