Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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