I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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