Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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