I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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