I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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