It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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