She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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