thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize