dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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