Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize