Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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