You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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