New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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