It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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