someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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