Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize