I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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