How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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