He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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