So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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