Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dignity is for republicans.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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