so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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