after a month anything with tits is on the radar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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