Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize