my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize