Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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